Abbreviated Grief

A very simplified definition of abbreviated grief is a short-lived, but genuine form of grief.

I have come across several possible reasons that bereavement appears shortened.

It may occur because of immediate replacement of the deceased; perhaps a remarriage.

Insufficient attachment (not enough affection, connection) to the deceased person could be true of children who barely knew a distant relative.

Anticipatory grief may be a contributing factor.

When a person knows ahead of time that their loved one is going to die, they sometimes begin the grieving process before the actual death. Then when the death occurs, they have already worked through some of the grieving. This happened to me with my dad. He had ALZ. I would grieve the loss of parts of him even while he still lived. When he died I definitely still mourned him, but maybe not as intensely at the time of death than if I had lost him suddenly to a heart attack.

Also, sometimes their mourning or grief may seem abbreviated because the bereaved is afraid of what will happen if they “let go” and allow their feelings vent. They fear losing emotional control. It is important to allow the bereavement process to happen. A person struggling with this perhaps can give themselves boundaries (‘I will allow myself to cry for 15 minutes, then I will get back to work”) this could help them feel “safe” and less out of control, but still allow the bereavement work to be done.

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